Birth Mothers need and want support from their chosen adoptive family before and after the adoption. It is important to continue to foster your relationship throughout your birth mother’s pregnancy, as well as afterwards. In an open adoption, the goal is for a life-long relationship.
Some ways you can effectively show your support before the baby is born include: (Always make sure these ideas and suggestions are in compliance with your state adoption laws, your attorney and / or agency adoption laws.)
Send support notes to your birth mother that are handwritten. She can save these notes forever. A small note can carry a big message. Make sure that you understand what is appropriate to include and avoid anything that could be deemed as “coercion”.- If a holiday occurs during the time you are matched prior to her delivery, make sure you find out what your adoption agency allows and partake in any event or gift they suggest. Make sure your focus is on the birth mother rather than on the baby she is carrying.
- If your adoption agency or attorney informs you of an unexpected situation and you are given the option of additionally funding for your birth mother, maybe for a type of housing, an unforeseen expense or someone of that nature – give serious consideration to doing so if financially you are able to.
- Really consider compromising on the baby’s name. This will be a HUGE concession with a birth mother.
- When arriving at the hospital, do not arrive empty handed. A basket of hospital necessities for your birth mother may be very well received and appreciated. She will most likely use and enjoy the following items:
- Fuzzy socks
- Lotion
- Mints or candy
- A hairbrush and hair ties
- A small notebook and pen
Some ways you can effectively show your support after the adoption is finalized include: (Always make sure these ideas and suggestions are in compliance with your state adoption laws, your attorney and / or agency adoption laws.)
- Remember holidays, cards, letters small token gifts are well received.
- Adhere to your post adoption communication agreement.
- Try to communicate through whatever portal your agency has set up.
- Even if the birth mother does not follow through on her end, make sure you are still sending letters and pictures, so when she does resurface they will be there waiting for her.
- Talk about her when the time is right with your child, share stories and memories you have of her.
The Donna K. Evans Foundation is an adoption aftercare program in Arizona. If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and are interested in private adoption in Arizona, call us (Building Arizona Families / AZ Pregnancy Help) at 623-695-4112. Our aftercare program is located in the same building at 8433 N. Black Canyon Highway Building 6, Suite 158, Phoenix, AZ 85021.
